3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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