I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
pray to the hookup gods
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