oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
