sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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