is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
