I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
