drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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