Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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