Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
