Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
