I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
