so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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