they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
