Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
