Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
