So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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