WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
