What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
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