Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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