Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I know her cup size but not her name....
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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