If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
