party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
