how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Still dying that you shit outside
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
