if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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