oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
