Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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