I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
