Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
