i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
