normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
