this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
