He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
