no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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