I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
