Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
