you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
