im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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