she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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