Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
