Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
