your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
