I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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