So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
