I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
