wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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