I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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