i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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