He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
