I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
