I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
