My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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