No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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